Career crossroads

Hello all, I write to you on a rather weary Sunday night. I'm so glad tomorrow is not a teaching day, just a workshop to attend and I can handle that. If teaching was all workshops how happy I would be.

As per my title, I find myself in the unfamiliar position of realizing that the career I thought would last me until retirement might not be for me at all. I can't say it's a sudden realization either. It's been creeping up on me since both my practicums and now is overpowering me in waves.

Now, I'm a person that's always been relatively sure in life and done pretty much what I set out to do. Sorry if this sounds egotistical but its true. I haven't done anything really grand but whatever I thought was important was duly carried out. Then came teaching. Again I set out like a good little soldier, applied and was accepted to the Education program, then began classes. That's where things started to go awry. I never really once thought I might be doing the wrong thing or that a career goal I set at the age of 11 might've changed over the years.

In my first practicum I just about died from dehydration as I found myself in tears almost every time I returned from my school. In my second I went in fully equipped with a water bottle and tried valiantly to avoid becoming a prune. Now I have a classroom and the situation hasn't improved as I'm approaching raisin status.

They should tell you during your practicum that you will feel like you have no idea what you're doing that first year. And I mean, NO IDEA. I usually feel like I'm banging my head against the proverbial brick wall. Oh wait, I do have a brick wall I can literally smash my head into but I think it would be bad form. As an introvert having myself on constant display is exhausting and I'm drained by the time lunch rolls around. It seems everyone else knows what they're doing but me and I can't seem to catch up. My kids trail me everywhere and won't stop asking questions (obviously questions are good but its incessant and usually off topic), though that's probably in part because I'm not getting information across very well. I spend my evenings fretting and fussing over lessons or sometimes staring at paper until the letters begin to blur because my brain has ceased to operate. And still I don't know how to reach the different levels in my classroom. The weekends are a welcome break until Sunday night rears its ugly head and my stomach knots, my hands become clammy and I continually wake up through the night. I don't think its a healthy way to be.

That was an extremely long winded way of saying my next move is probably to stop doing this and recover my appetite and sleep patterns. Its a first for me but maybe its a good thing? If you made it this far down my post I congratulate you. It looks more like a diary entry.

Check back for updates on my dissipating sanity! I promise my next post will be more lighthearted.

Post New Year's rut

Well, I consider it a rut anyways. Most of us spend at least 2 months anticipating the Christmas holidays which means we're fantasizing about what we'll do with the time off at the beginning of November (or possibly at the end of October). We eat and unwrap our way through Christmas and then can look forward to ringing in the New Year (often with paper hats and a great deal of booze). Once that's all over what do we do? What is the next holiday to look forward to?

I really enjoy Christmas, I love that particular holiday. It's my favourite of all the holidays that come marching round like clockwork every year. New Year's is kind of a low-end bonus. Yay new year! And then pffft. I think the hardest work day if that first day back after the Christmas break.

As a teacher I have a lovely 2 weeks off. Actually, with my particular school I have 3 weeks off. (I hope no one's out there rolling their eyes about how teachers always have holidays. Come spend one day in my shoes!) I'm currently worrying that I'll be the size of my couch by the time school begins again as I can't seem to stop eating. Especially junk food. Chips and Betty Crocker cake are my current best friends.

In any case I am and I'm not looking forward to going back to work. This inactivity will get old really fast I'm sure and I need to use my brain again. I know that first day is going to be a doozy. Cheers all I hope you're enjoying 2007 so far.