Ordering when you can't read the menu

Last week I went with two friends to a cafe/restaurant that could only be described as coming straight from the set of the "Flintstones".  Seriously, on the outside it was a yellowish-beige colour and well, rocky looking.  Once you stepped inside the stone-age ambience ended and you were presented with a rather quaint but cozy enough looking restaurant.

I thought that a restaurant like this wouldn't have appealed to men but by far, it was men who populated the cafe.  Businessmen if their attire was any indication of what they did for a living.  Mostly they sat on their own at the tables, browsing through magazines or manga (Japanese comic books).  I was informed, I can’t verify if it’s true because I didn’t have a chance to read over their shoulders, that the popular genre of choice is pornography.  Again, I can’t verify though judging from the selection of manga at the café, it could very well be true.

Literary predilections aside, once the three of us were seated, the task upon us was to decipher the menu enough so that we could order something recognizable.  Two menus were provided, thus providing twice the reading effort.  We pored over the small, short menus as if we were trying to analyze a Shakespeare poem.  Sounding much like a 3 year old child, I would slowly read aloud those characters I could recognize while following my finger on the page.  I don’t think I looked very bright.  I don’t think any of us three looked especially intelligent.  We would squint and scrutinize those words written in katakana (characters used for English words translated phonetically to Japanese) and cheer once we figured out what it meant.  Ie. Ka-pei o-rei was café au lait.  There are no ‘l’ sounds in the Japanese alphabet.

I would judge that it took us a good half hour of study (including consulting my phrasebook) to decode the menu to some degree of satisfaction.  Then, in a show of stunning solidarity, we all ordered exactly the same dish, yakimeshi or fried rice.  We did branch out by requesting different desserts.  I opted for jam and toast, the other two received toast (sans jam) and a biscuit (I think it was whole wheat).  Actually I’m not sure if this was dessert or just another mini-meal served after the main meal.  I’ve learned not to order ice cream as part of a lunch set because it comes out at the same time as the rest of the meal and you’re left with a nice glass dish of soupy cream.  Hmm, perhaps you’re meant to eat it first.

Afterwards, we went on a cheese run.  This is exciting because there is virtually no good cheese to be found in Japan.  Not the likes of cheddar, mozzarella, Monterey jack or etc.  You can find brie and camembert.  Our endeavours were somewhat thwarted when we discovered the cheese available at a designated supermarket really wasn’t much different from what you could find locally.  It was a sad day but I bought some feta to soothe the blow and felt better.

My next plan of action is to go to a department store called Sogo in Tokushima City where I can go insane buying all the western fare that is fabled to exist there.  

Reading a foreign menu is something of a challenge that I think everyone should try at least once in their life.  If you can’t read it at all, just look blank and point to something at random.  You will get some sort of dish, though it may not be easily identifiable.  If you can read even a little you’re pretty much set.  Nevermind that you’re reduced to the point of starvation by the time you understand what you’re reading.

This post was brought to you by Yuri’s laptop and her fingers.  Cheers.